Intrigued . . .

I remember hearing a rumour that dolphins are the only animal other than humans that have sex for pleasure….no wonder they always look like they’re smiling.

The rumour is in fact a fact, although, in saying that, I’m not sure how we really know? Marine biologists have studied dolphin behaviour, noting that these frisky dolphins have sex often enough and frequently enough without it resulting in a pregnancy. Therefore they have concluded that dolphins are enjoying it.

Is it that strange that dolphin’s indulge in this pleasure like humans? There is only one other species that scientists have concluded ‘engage’ for fun, the bonobo or pygmy chimpanzee. This primate is human’s closest genetic match, so maybe the reason this cheeky chimp enjoys it is because they are almost human – with a little more hair and bigger mouth than most of our species.

Perhaps it isn’t that humans, dolphins and bonobo’s are the only species ‘doing it’ for fun and other animals would enjoy it more if it wasn’t for some physical constraints – it is entirely possible that with a little sex therapy many more species will be able to discover the joys of sex.

Let’s look at the giraffe. Spotty, extremely tall and gangly, I can only imagine the restrictions those legs place on intercourse. I mean if you had to balance precariously on legs a couple of meters tall it would be pretty terrifying to have to take your dearly beloveds weight as well, especially with all those elbows and knees jabbing at you. I propose that with a little experimentation, sexual therapists could work out a more accommodating position.

Arguably the horniest animal of all is the rhinoceros, but it must be a touch intimidating to be confronted with that piercing appendage. I mean seriously, how do they snuggle without it getting in the way? These African beasts need to sit down and talk about how they are feeling, running up and just going for the deed is not enough. There are feelings and needs involved, the female rhino definitely has concerns – she’s big, hairy and kind of out of proportion, these need to be addressed. If a deeper more spiritual connection can be made I am certain that rhino coupling will be more enjoyable for both parties.

So there are animals with intimacy issues and some that are just doing it wrong but perhaps the species that is in most need of help is the praying mantis. If you haven’t heard, the female mantis has an intolerable habit of biting the head off her male partner at the end of copulation – I am positive this is the reason that researchers haven’t discovered that the praying mantises enjoy intercourse.

With a little patience I believe we can help the animal kingdom to discover their wilder side, and stop the bonobo’s and dolphins from feeling like outcasts. It may take some time but we can ensure that all species are at it like rabbits.