A Horrible Person . . .

I think I am a horrible person, the worst of the worst - I am practically the beggar on the street corner with a pile of starving puppies that I will drown and use the money you give me to buy beer. . . well not quite I do love puppies (and kittens and chicks and baby most things except baby snakes they are still snakes at the end of the day). Why am I horrific, a threat to society and possibly certifiable? Well . . .

I am a trainee paramedic, I am learning and LOVING it! OK not so bad so far.... Because at the moment my "paramedic" career is still in its very early stages I am a volunteer, so I only do one 12hour shift a week. Which is enough quite frankly, especially alongside my paid 60 hour week, training and studying. Still we haven't yet got to the root of my evil ... here goes... I crave, yearn for and hope that people hurt themselves, try to die, maim, injure, crash, slip, trip and fall - but and this is the kicker - I want them to do it only in the 12 hour period when I am working. Now before you send the men in the white coats to take me away, I don't want them to die - that is messy and too much paperwork but I do want the opportunity to save them.

I am jealous tonight because a man tried to commit suicide by shooting himself, he succeeded in shooting himself but not in dying... good result - except for the fact he did it on day shift and not my night shift.... does that make me evil????

Lights and sirens and blood, guts and gore press my buttons...problem?

Loving My Family and Friends . . .

Whilst keeping up the smoke screen, there are people that matter to me that will no doubt make an appearance here in some form. So I thought it was only fair to introduce you to some star players in my life:

MUMMAKAT: My Mum, also one of my best friends. She dragged brought me pretty much single-handedly and bloody well if I do say so myself. She is giver, a lover (not in the family that plays together stays together way), a mentor and an absolute go getter. Mummakat and I have always had plenty of fun together, we drink together, shop together and cry together. She is my inspiration and my rock, and often some times helps me out financially *grin*!

THE SPERM DONOR: Dad, with whom I don't have much of a relationship. No, He wasn't an actual sperm donor - He and Mamakat were married! As a child I spent half of every holidays with him, it was only as I grew up that I realised there wasn't much holding us together apart from DNA. He has made me cry more than any other in my life, and let me down but obviously our expectations of each other are just not on par. We do the birthday and christmas phone call thing but that is about it...

SMACK: Dads daughter, my half sister who I have never thought of as a half any thing! Whilst I have never lived with her, we are close and always have been. Six years my junior, she has finally reached the age where we can drink together and when we catch up now it is drunken fun. She is studying in another city to me right now and I am so proud of her (and her drunken escapades).

DJTD: One of my best friends, we have survived living together and are still as tight as anything. She has seen me at my best, my worst, my most liquored and still loves me. She is a superhero, a boring accountant by day and a sex-pot DJ by night!

LOO: Another bestie - we haven't known each other for that long but we clicked the first night we met (over a vodka or twelve) and haven't looked back. She and I are trouble TROUBLE together, especially with a bottle involved. She is off galavanting around the globe currently as I stay behind missing her plenty and living vicariously through her.

MIDGET: A great friend, shorter than me by miles a wee bit which is almost unheard of! She is a party animal always up for fun and antics. A superstar of a woman, determined, driven and absolutly addicted to facebook.

THE EX: The man I spoke of in this post, now a friend. We are currently selling the home we brought together and dealing with all the emotions involved with that, not to mention the end of our relationship. Both our families had us pretty much walking down the isle, so it was a bit of a shock for all when we parted.

Small Things . . .

Laughter on a warm summer breeze,
Goosebumps along arms after a sneeze,
A lighthouse blinking on a misty night,
The suns rays sinking slowly from sight,
A flutter of eyelashes upon a cheek,
Children around corners taking a peek,
Making pictures out of a cloud,
Realising you’re thinking aloud,
The soft coos of a wandering dove,
Lying in the arms of the one you love,
Snuggling for a cuddle on Grandpa’s lap,
Retreating to the sun for an afternoon nap,
The coolness of sheets when the night is hot,
The twirling of a mobile over a cot,
Wrinkles on the back of a hand,
Running carefree along white sand,
Goodnight kisses being tucked up in bed,
Songs that get stuck in your head,
Lullabies drifting in from sleep,
Diving into water so clear and deep,
Finishing sentences of someone dear,
Mum rocking away an innocent fear,
Sore stomachs from giggles and laughs,
Finding love along a rocky path,
Receiving letters in the mail,
Feeling the sting of winter’s hail,
Loving people who love you as well,
Catching snowflakes on tongues as they fell,
Picking up the phone and having a long chat,
Sitting cross legged on the classroom mat,
Small things. . .

Arian . . .

So Angry I Could...

Why the hell can you not pick your family?? I know lots of really nice people that I would be happy to audition for the job - I'm sure they would not unload vitriolic shit on me, treat me with disrespect, or drive me to drink! Not to mention filling up my inbox with their smack!

Going to report them as spam tomorrow, to protect and start proceedings with the lawyer to divorce myself from certian family members (not you Mamakat - you are ok :)). But as for the rest of the greedy, money hungry, roach infested barstards they are out...... I AM OVER IT!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr very grumped up right now.

Bumtittyarseshittyfuckbuggerdamn.

(Un)Christian . . .

I am not Christian in many recognisable ways.
But - In so many ways I believe I am . . . who's to judge, not you or I that is for sure.

I was baptised as a young baby, splashed happily in the font and chortled with laughter at the Dean as he performed the ceremony not to mention looking angelic and sweet in my antique christening gown. Does that make me Christian?

I attended a christian school, went to church weekly, sang in the church choir and got to ring the church bells. Does that make me Christian?

I no longer go to church expect for weddings, christenings, funerals and the like - I did go to for a thanksgiving service recognising the families and individuals that give their bodies for medical research but that was a one off. Does that make me (un)Christian?

I spent hours in churches overseas, lighting candles, soaking up the peace and stunning awe inspiring surrounds. Does that make me Christian?

I am a listener, the go to girl that people (friends and strangers alike) come to for advice and support. I have supported a neighbour as her birth partner, visited and supported people who are incarcerated, been the best (loyal, caring, helpful) friend I can be to those in my life. I take phone calls in the middle of the night and would never hesitate going to a friend (or friend of a friend) in their time of need. I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, I stuff up as often as the next person, I give the wrong advice, but never for the wrong reason, after all my advice is only my opinion on what could be done. I care about the world around me, and give to those in need when I can. I support a number of charities both locally and globally. Does that make me Christian?

I am a carer and a giver, I have been told a number of times that I actually need to put my own needs in front of others, I have trouble saying no to someone in need. Does that make me Christian?

I write this post not to criticize, judge or preach. I am simply writing this because a number of the blogs I read, and have stumbled across are from Christian families and individuals. Some have actually made me feel inadequate in my lack of prayer (NOT intentionally I know!!), and I have in the past, hesitated to comment on posts asking for prayers for sick loved ones, to offer my moral support because I wasn't going to 'pray' for them. However, whilst I am not a prayer, I do think about these families, positively, I wonder how they are and hope they have the strength they need to get through their turmoil. Does that make me (un)Christian?

It got me thinking - even if I am not a church goer, prayer warrior or preacher, perhaps in my thoughts and actions I am in fact a Christian, in my attitude if not my beliefs.

Liking . . .

MUSIC: Green Day, Oasis, Falter, Fly My Pretties, GunsNRoses, Bon Jovi, Robbie Williams, Metalica, 2Pac, Kings of Leon, Pearl Jam, Lady Gaga, Pink, Kooks, Dr Hook, Rod Stewart, Eminem, Silverchair, Nina Simone, OE Brasil, Frank Sinatra, Jace Everett, AC/DC, Fat Boy Slim, Bass Hunter, Outkast, Ben Harper, Tiki Taane, Thievery Corporation, Tahuna Breaks, Bjork, Che Fu, Wyclef, Sublime, Fall Out Boy. ORGANISING: Tabbing, Dividing, Highlighting, Fling, Compiling, Colour Co-ordinating, Post-It Noting. BABIES/TODDLERS/CHILDREN: New Baby Smell, Snuggling, Feeding, Burping, Playing, Chortling, Baby Laughs, Comforting. DANCING: In the Street, On a Stage, In the Shower, In a Bar, By Myself, With Friends, In the Rain, On my Bed. READING: Old books, New Books, Classics, Shakespeare, Jodi Picoult, Marian Keys, Autobiographies, Biographies, Histories, Chicklit, Bryce Courtenay, Fiction, Non-Fiction, Poetry, Short Stories, Long Stories, Series. BEACHES: Paradise, Peaceful, Stormy Waves, Surf, Skiing, Swimming, Fishing, Surfing, Sand Between Toes, Skinny-Dipping, Diving, Floating, Summers, Winters. WRITING: Poems, Short Stories, Long-ish Stories, Notes, Love Letters, Postcards, Emails, Text Messages. ANIMALS: Cats, Dogs, Elephants, Fish, Dolphins, Whales, Wild, Domestic, Furry, Fluffy, Cuddly. FRIENDS: The Girls, School Friends, Work Friends, New Friends, Old Friends, Girl Friends, Boy Friends, Family Friends, Family Who are Friends. RELAXING: Reading, Watching TV, Walking, Long Baths, Chatting, Coffees, Mini Breaks, Skiing, Fishing, Loving, Snuggling, Cooking, Blobbing, Lie-Ins, Massages, Drinking. WORKING: People, Money, Emergencies, Food, Time Limits, Lights and Sirens, Uniforms, Beverages, Health, Adrenalin, Long Hours. TRAVELLING: Short Distances, Long Distances, Cafes in Verona, Beaches in Fiji, Fun in Australia, Skiing Trips, Girls Weekends, Romantic Getaways, Baches, Homes Away from Home, Planes, Boats, Trains. ALSO: Daffodils, Coffee,Lip Gloss, Wine, Gerbras, Mum's Roasts, Pets, Neighbours, Long Distant Friends, Home Cooked Meals, Cloud Watching, Photography, Beer, Sex, Movies, Vodka, Internet Time Wasting, Learning, Loving, Africa, Dreams, Quotes, Thai Food, Swinging, Laughing, Playing, Blankets, Mascara, Hugs.

Loved . . .

To have loved and lost is better than never being loved at all...

The man that I spent the best part of 6 years with and I have parted ways, well not completely - I am amazed and honoured that we are still friends, and still working at being friends.

That may sound impossible improbable but it has happened and I couldn't be happier. You see whilst we had lost the spark that held us together as a couple, I couldn't deny that he is a wonderful man and I spent years with him because I loved his company, his take on life, his sense of fun and his ability to love. Whilst we are no longer in each others lives as we were, we are both committed to staying in each others lives - we still talk, have coffees, fight, catch up with each other and share our joys/fears but now we do it as friends.

I am blessed while we don't love each other in 'that' way anymore we both still love each other... you can't ask for more than that.

Writing . . .

I have written all manner of stories, poems and speeches ever since I could write.

I enjoy it even if I am not overly good at it - it is a release and to an extent my personal journal and journey. My poetry especially reads like a diary, my teenage angst is documented, loves, fears and moments of stress and happiness all make an appearance, in saying that I am not sure if it will make much of an appearance on this blog - because it is so personal - it would be like letting strangers loose in my underwear drawer...vaguely.

The previous post is a piece I wrote at University - we had to write "500 words on anything". Don't ask where I got the idea to delve into the sex life of animals, your guess is as good as mine. Whoever said the mind works in mysterious ways was 100% correct, maybe 120% in my case.

Intrigued . . .

I remember hearing a rumour that dolphins are the only animal other than humans that have sex for pleasure….no wonder they always look like they’re smiling.

The rumour is in fact a fact, although, in saying that, I’m not sure how we really know? Marine biologists have studied dolphin behaviour, noting that these frisky dolphins have sex often enough and frequently enough without it resulting in a pregnancy. Therefore they have concluded that dolphins are enjoying it.

Is it that strange that dolphin’s indulge in this pleasure like humans? There is only one other species that scientists have concluded ‘engage’ for fun, the bonobo or pygmy chimpanzee. This primate is human’s closest genetic match, so maybe the reason this cheeky chimp enjoys it is because they are almost human – with a little more hair and bigger mouth than most of our species.

Perhaps it isn’t that humans, dolphins and bonobo’s are the only species ‘doing it’ for fun and other animals would enjoy it more if it wasn’t for some physical constraints – it is entirely possible that with a little sex therapy many more species will be able to discover the joys of sex.

Let’s look at the giraffe. Spotty, extremely tall and gangly, I can only imagine the restrictions those legs place on intercourse. I mean if you had to balance precariously on legs a couple of meters tall it would be pretty terrifying to have to take your dearly beloveds weight as well, especially with all those elbows and knees jabbing at you. I propose that with a little experimentation, sexual therapists could work out a more accommodating position.

Arguably the horniest animal of all is the rhinoceros, but it must be a touch intimidating to be confronted with that piercing appendage. I mean seriously, how do they snuggle without it getting in the way? These African beasts need to sit down and talk about how they are feeling, running up and just going for the deed is not enough. There are feelings and needs involved, the female rhino definitely has concerns – she’s big, hairy and kind of out of proportion, these need to be addressed. If a deeper more spiritual connection can be made I am certain that rhino coupling will be more enjoyable for both parties.

So there are animals with intimacy issues and some that are just doing it wrong but perhaps the species that is in most need of help is the praying mantis. If you haven’t heard, the female mantis has an intolerable habit of biting the head off her male partner at the end of copulation – I am positive this is the reason that researchers haven’t discovered that the praying mantises enjoy intercourse.

With a little patience I believe we can help the animal kingdom to discover their wilder side, and stop the bonobo’s and dolphins from feeling like outcasts. It may take some time but we can ensure that all species are at it like rabbits.