As another year rolls around marking my Grandma's death, I am filled with memories, some happy, some sad, all that make me realise how much I miss her. She was the absolute matriarch of our family, stoic, full of 'airs and graces' yet she could (and would) swear like a trooper, and is to this day the only person I know who can say f**k sounding like the queen mother. This post is a tribute to her, although I'm sure she is much more interested in the bottomless G&T she got at the pearly gates than looking at heavenly Internets . . .
I remember sitting (wriggling like a wrigglything) on Grandma's knee while she got her hair washed and 'set' on Friday mornings at 9am, insisting that she read me the book "things that go bump in the night".... every Friday I stayed in the holidays from age about 3 onwards. In fact I was about 16 when the book finally had been removed from the toy box... I wish she'd read it to me now.
I remember doing yoga with her in the mornings, her in her girdle me in my pj's, and looking back she was remarkably limber for an 'older lady'. I especially loved the move where we held our knees and 'rocked on our spines' kind of like a cast sheep or turtle gone belly up... I wish I could tell her how impressed I was.
I remember Grandma, striding into the pool every morning at the crack of dawn (sometimes almost cracking ice on the surface) to do her 24 lengths... always in her bathing cap (sometimes only in her bathing cap)... sometimes with stray frogs along side her as well. I swam in the mornings with her but only until I was about 5 and then the morning cartoons were a stronger attraction... I wish I could swim more lengths next to her.
I remember fighting with Grandma, big nasty horrible full blown rows. She and I were so alike in so many ways that we butted heads relatively *cough* often. I have stormed off in tears more times than I should of. She really knew how to push my buttons as well, and would do so at any opportunity (with a sly wink to whoever else was there), causing me to clam up, chew my lip, and try not to cry...I wish she would wind me up and drive me crazy one more time.
I remember Grandma full off opposites and contradictions. She was tough as nails and had the stiffest upper lip ever and yet loved to hug us, especially towards the end. Grandma spoke the queens English... with liberal dashings of profanities that could have made a mob member blush. She looked like a Grandma, white/grey hair, and a lived in skin, and yet shopped with style and class both for herself and for the family, she wouldn't be seen in pants especially in her later years (my entire lifetime) and looked glamorous even doing the gardening. Grandma clutched the steering wheel of her jeep/car as if she was terrified it was going to take off on her... yet she drove in the middle of the road at top speed with no regard for other motorists (after all she'd been on the road since before they were born)... I want to hear her hurl abuse at someone again.
I remember Grandma's infectious laugh and wonderful (sometimes dirty) sense of humor. When Grandma got the giggles - which she did frequently - it was contagious, everyone laughed with her. Her laughing fits exasperated my Grandfather, especially when she'd laugh so much she'd wet herself, which then just made her laugh more, never showing a hint of embarrassment... I want to laugh with her again.
I remember Grandma's crelbow. It was the best most comforting crelbow ever, giving my infant self much comfort... I want to roll her crelbow skin again.
I remember my last weekend with Grandma, our last snuggle lying in her bed with her, our last conversations, I remember seeing my Grandma look frail and small, I remember her clutching my hand, I remember her listening to her transistor radio in the middle of the night, I remember never wanting to say goodbye, struggling to say I love you in person for the last time, I remember my photo propped up on her bedside lamp so I could watch over her when I left, I remember that walk down the hall being the longest and most painful walk, I remember she loved me...
Most of all I want to keep remembering her, understanding her strengths, her weaknesses, the things that brought her joy. I want her strength to be part of me. I want her to know, even though I was a Grandpa's little girl through and through, there will always be a part of me that only Grandma will understand. I want to thank her, she impacted upon my life in so many ways, some big, some small, all treasured.
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